Lessons

“You know how people say when you die God will say, ‘Well done my good and faithful servant?’ What if He doesn’t? You’ll never get another shot at that. This is the one life we have to live. And it’s fun to make all the mistakes… but it will suck worse if you get to heaven and God just lets you in without saying anything.” –Matt Del Rosario, by the wisdom God has given to him.

     Right now, having just turned 18, I'm in that point in my life where what I do now determines who I become in the future. And I don't want to stay behind with the rest of the people who think of 'free' things. I want to surrender all. Live my life in a way that would make me stand out, not because I want the attention, but because I want people to go like, "Wow. God DOES do amazing work.”

     On Friday, I went to the 2012 Saved Festival where I heard The Katinas, Desperation Band, Abandon and more. Before that, I had my Day with the Lord. It was a wonderful feeling, just tuning everything out and focusing on God and His Word. My devotion that day was becoming like Christ. And two days later, it still rings in my ears. Am I becoming like Christ? I’m supposed to get there, but I wonder. Am I moving forward?

     I’ve mentioned several times in this blog that I’m alone. My family is in another country and I’m here by myself. However, it just struck me. God is not teaching me to be independent this time. I’ve been there, done that. We know how well I handle being left alone. No. God is teaching me to be dependent. He wants me. He wants all of me. However, he can’t use me right now, not while I’m being all strong and independent. Not when I’m boldly sharing about my possessiveness and pride issues. Not when I’m happy staying where I am. Safe and anchored, not moving at all.

So yesterday, I broke down. I cried, I wept, I had tears in my eyes. I sobbed, I bawled my eyes out, think of all the other ways to rephrase this, but the truth is, I went weak. I realized, as I stood above an incredibly tall building, how little I am. I’m nothing but a speck in this world. Yet God, in His overwhelming love for me, gave His Son and everything He had, just so I can have a shot at having a relationship with Him. How could I not let go of whatever useless thing I’ve been holding on to, for the One who loved me so?

     The first semester of my freshman year is over. The second will begin. I fervently hope that when I enter Messiah College on my second semester, people will see a change. The old has gone.

     Andrea has let go. Now God can use her.

Below are lyrics to a song I heard on Friday at the Saved Festival. The lyrics spoke to me, and I pray that somehow, they’ll speak to you too.

Or you could let go of all these things you hold
You could let go and watch your life unfold
You're part of a grand design
Bigger than what you had in mind
But you'll never know, you'll never know
Until you let it go –Abandon ‘Let Go’